Cancer and Me

Hi there, I'm Liam Harrison and you've found my blog detailing how I handled cancer when I was 20 years old - to how I am now.

People often asked me and some still do, "How do you go about your life and how is your day?"

I always answer the same, it's no different, nothing much has changed for me.

I am a very emotional, passionate man, I can't help it, that is how I am.

"To me there are three things you should do every single day, EVERY SINGLE DAY - Number 1 is laugh, you should laugh everyday. Number 2 is think, you should spend some time in thought. Number 3 is cry, to have your emotions moved to tears, be it happiness, or joy.

Think about it, if you laugh, think and cry all in one day, that is a hell of a day! If you do this 7 days a week, you are going to have something special.

Also, you should work out where you came from, where you are and where you are going. I remember where I came from, it's so important to know where you are. I knew where I was then and I know where I am now. An important question though, is "how do you get to where you want to be?" - JV. I think you need to have enthusiasm for life, be determined, have a willingnesss to work hard, have people who can support you around you, and also have something to look forward to - to help bring you out of it, cos a lot of people don't have a lot to live for and they are stuck. Have a dream, you know. A lot of it is to do with luck also, and genes play a part, too.

Now and again in this journey called life, along comes a moment which stops you in your tracks and makes you take stock of everything. Well, my moment was being diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer at the age of 20.

Before I was 20 I had been hurt a few times before, broken arm here, fracture there.

But nothing prepared me for one afternoon in the summer of 2006, when I sat in a small room with my mum Kate and my Aunty Siobhan and a specialist cancer doc (I'm sorry fella your name escapes me!) at the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford, where I was told that I had a rare form of bone cancer (Chondrosarcoma), and I had to have an operation to remove the tumour in my hip as quick as was possible.

Now, it's hard to convey using just words what that can do to a person.

Sure, if you're reading this and have experienced something similar to this, you can empathise to a certain degree, with reactions perhaps in the form of "I've been there man" or "I know! It sucks man" plus some such other stuff.

If you're reading this and you haven't experienced anything like this, (and if you haven't I sure hope you never do!) then hopefully this blog right here will give you an insight on how a young, fit man coped.

Back in 2006 I was a sales guy, working for Sony, in a shopping centre in Oxford, called The Westgate Centre. It was a good enough job, I made some good friends there and generally enjoyed my time there.

Whilst I was working there, I played football nearly every Friday down at my local sports place.

My second cousin, Joe, introduced me into it as he'd been playing there for a long time and had some good friends there. I got into it and really enjoyed it, it was usually a 5/6/7 a side depending on numbers, the banter was always good as was the atmosphere.

One Friday when I was playing, I, to use a phrase - 'turned on a sixpence' (to people who don't get that - this means turning within a small amount of space, so in football it tends to mean having your back to goal and turning to shoot all in one movement), as I did so, I felt a crack of some kind in the area of my hip.

At the time I thought I had just tweaked something, you know... nothing major, run it off, I thought. I did make a mental note though.

Anyway, I carried on and finished that night, and I returned home and made a few complaints to my lovely doting mother, who advised me to rest up and to inform her if it got worse.

Well, I carried on playing nearly every week, and also carried on working at the Sony shop for six months. Progressively, my condition worsened. A slight limp had appeared in my walk. Being the typical bloke that I am, I again thought, "Ah, it's nothing major, just need to play more to sort it out".

Now, I'm sure there's plenty of guys out there just like me, that attitude is a very common one.
But, this notion of "It's nothing major" can only last so long, sure you can only say it to yourself convincingly so many times.

The "breaking" point was coming and indeed it did, the night before I was due to fly out to Greece for my summer holidays..

I was at a friends house just down my road, he was having a barbeque and there was a good few of us there. As is normal at barbeques, the drink was flowing and everyone was enjoying themselves. At one point in the night, well, it was early morning the next day if I'm honest - one of my friends somehow decided it would be a good idea to try and rugby tackle me.

He duly did and I ended up on the ground clutching my hip in what I can only describe as... FUCKING AGONY. Apologies for the swear, but I am being honest!

My friends quickly sobered up and managed to carry me home back to my lovely mother, as she opened the door and her face turned into horror as the scene hit her.

She thanked my friends for bringing me home and we soon set off to the accident and emergency department at the John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford.

We checked in and as is custom in England, set ourselves up for a long wait. We watched the old drunk guy come in to get his mashed finger seen to and the usual various other cases.

When I finally got the chance to be seen to, I lay down on the hospital bed with my mother sat beside me. A young nurse appeared and she began to question me to see what was up and what they could do. At first, she thought I was drunk! Thought I was drunk and wasting their time.

It was like she was implying I was sad enough to get drunk and take a trip up the hospital on a Saturday night, just for the craic.

"Oh yeah love! I love it, can't get enough of it! In fact, I was toying with the idea of bringing a load of mates down next week as it's TOO MUCH FUN just for one guy, the fun needs to be SPREAD!!"

Deary me.

It took a while, but I managed to convince the girl that there actually was something quite seriously wrong with me, she then decided it would be a good idea for me to have a X-Ray.

So, I went in, wheelchair and all, did the X-Ray, came back to the same place and waited patiently for the results.

After a while, the girl re-appeared.

I'll never forget the look on her face.

She was apoligetic and said that it was imperative I was seen to by a specialist (this was something I was going to get very used to as time went on).

The next day, my mum, my aunty and I went to the hospital for my appointment with the specialist guy.

You know when you look at someone and you just know - this guy knows his stuff?

That was the case here. The specialist was obviously very experienced in his field and had seen many, many cases prior to the day he diagnosed me.

There's no easy way to tell someone they have cancer. It's not like you can just drop it into the conversation - "Oh hey Liam we got your blood results back, good news is they're fine. However, you have cancer... fancy a lollipop?"

You can tell when something serious is up, people get a certain look on their face, theres a certain feeling in the air, they stop laughing at your jokes..

Now I like to think I'm the kinda guy who is direct, straight to the point. I like to know whats going on and I like to know the truth. So this situation really freaked me out - I looked at my mum, then my Aunty and the mood wasn't great, I could sense something was up but I had no idea what was coming.

I gotta say - fairplay to the doc and I'll always respect him for the way he broke it to me, he just laid it out right there - "Liam, this is never easy but I know you'll appreciate it if I give it you straight, you have a cancerous tumour in your hip and you'll need to be operated on as soon as possible."

I didn't fully appreciate how he did it at the time, cos well, you don't do ya? But looking back, as you can with hindsight, god bless that man for that.

I took a deep breath, somehow trying to take in and understand what had just been said. My face went white like a ghost. Quick as hell my response was - "But can I still play football doc??"

He answered very well considering the situation, calmly and cooly he said "You can, but only kickabouts with friends, no more real games, no more training, as the risk that a bad tackle could damage your hip again is far to great to leave the chance."

You just can't argue with logic like that. Again, laid out well and with reason, good man. Well, good man as much as he didn't fuck around, you can only like someone who says your football life as you knew it, is over, so much.

My next question was, "Doc, I got a plane to catch this morning. What's gonna happen there?"

"You ain't getting on no plane, Liam."

"Doc c'mon, I got it all booked! I can use some crutches you know, just let me have my two weeks in the sun with my friends and I'll come back and we can do it all then."

He didn't even need to reply he just looked at me, smiled, and walked away.

With the frame of mind I was in at the time my hormones were all over the place, all I could think of was football and holiday, football and holiday, never mind the rare cancer in my hip I want my football and holiday!

Well, I left the John Radcliffe that day on crutches with my Mum and my Aunty, hit by the news I was trying to take it all in but still all I could think of was football and holiday, the car ride home then was a dark one. I hated the idea that I was going to be letting people down, over the years I'd been going to a place in Greece often and we had our little crew built up there, I couldn't bear the thought of them having a summer there without me, but I guess I had bigger problems to face...


I am going to add more as it comes to me, be patient :)


Credit to: Jimmy Valvano - Saw a clip of his 1993 ESPY Speech "Don't give up, don't ever give up." And was inspired. The 3 things you should do each day bit is from that.

Richard Pryor - Watching his shows on my laptop in hospital while nurses laughed in the background is a memory I treasure. "Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods."

George Carlin - He reminded me how much I love the English language.

My friends - For being my friends.

My family - They put up with me.

6 comments:

  • I think that you are amazing. I am so glad that you can share this with other people.
    You are my little bruv, and one of the strongest people I will ever meet (Im including mom in this one, i mean she's a total iron rock really :D ).

    Thanks for letting me read it. I honestly feel privileged.

    Cant wait to see the photos!

    xx

  • Dude, this is heavy duty and it is good you posted it, I hope it'll be cathartic for you.

    I had a mate some time ago he posted his stuff too, it was how he coped with it all. He had a pretty severe form which got him in the end but not without us getting some years of his outlook which will always stay with me.

    http://cancergiggles.blog-city.com/

    Interestingly I've been writing a story about a similar sort of thing over the last few months, I'd be grateful if you'd proof it for accuracy at some point if it's something you'd feel content to do.

    Anyway I look forward to reading more mate and I hope you'll find as I do that it really is better out than in, in so many circumstances ;-)

    dom

  • Liam Reading that near brought a tear to my eye, Excellent read. I know all about cancer and how it can impact on peoples lives, I myself lost my mother when i was 4.

    Keep on fighting mate :)

    Your Buddy Glen.

  • Sis - Thanks :) I love you too! :)

    Dom - Yeah, no problem fella. Do you want to send it to me via e-mail?

    Glen - I'm sorry to hear that mate. I didn't know about that. You're a tough lad and you have a talent with computers, I'm looking forward to seeing you do well, mate.


    The last bit of this shall be up soon...ish, and yes there shall be pictures..

  • I read that and I am in great belief that a lot of prayers were answered for you.. Keep up the fight that is so amazing... My boyfriend found out he has bone cancer and wants to push me and my son away(his not the father but has been a great father figure for him, he adores my son a lot ) do you have and advice for me.. On how to get him to understand I want to be there for him.

  • Anonymous -

    Hi.

    The reaction from your boyfriend which you described is to be expected, he should see that no person with any form of cancer should fight on their own. He'll need you and your son to support him in his fight. It is uncommon for a fighter fighting it on their own to do well, once he realises these things he should change his thinking and the road should be easier to navigate compared to the one he is pushing himself onto..

    Good luck to him in the fight.

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